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The Deferred Self: On Disappearance, ADHD, and the Long Return
In some lives, the self is not lost, but deferred. Not through overt trauma or disappearance, but through a more subtle contract: you...
Sarah Ryan
May 152 min read


Trapped in Their Own Illusion: The Delusional Reality of Narcissists
A client sits across the room, bewildered. The relationship is over, yet the confusion remains. “I just don’t understand,” they say. “How...
Sarah Ryan
Mar 94 min read


Notes from the therapy room: Clearing the space for yourself to arrive.
I’ve been thinking about disidentification recently as a prelude to individuation, arguably the central aim in a successful psychotherapy...
Sarah Ryan
3 days ago5 min read


How to Be a Safe Other
When in connection with someone who has lived through trauma, particularly sexual trauma, it can be difficult to know what to do, or how...
Sarah Ryan
Jun 193 min read


The Edges of the Self
Notes from the Therapy Room - Sarah Ryan I’ve worked for years with clients who carry something difficult to name. It isn’t always...
Sarah Ryan
Jun 124 min read


Feminine Sovereignty and Reclamation
Many women who have experienced psychological, emotional, sexual, or psychic boundary violations find themselves navigating a deep and...
Sarah Ryan
Jun 111 min read


What it Looks Like When a Client Begins to Feel Safe in Their Own System
One of the clearest signs that a client is beginning to move toward a learned secure attachment within themselves is when they stop...
Sarah Ryan
May 292 min read


When Grief Waits: How Therapy Helps Us Feel What Was Once Too Much
Grief doesn’t always come when it’s expected. Sometimes it arrives years later - triggered by a moment, a relationship, or a silence that...
Sarah Ryan
May 281 min read


Two Kinds of Emptiness: Trauma, Healing, and the Architecture of Inner Space
In trauma work, emptiness is often misunderstood. But as Peter Levine writes, the healing process can become “a portal opening to...
Sarah Ryan
May 271 min read


Who's in Charge Here?
Who’s in Charge? On External Regulation, Internal Authority, and the Conditions for Safety. In some developmental environments, safety is...
Sarah Ryan
May 162 min read


A Healthy Man Doesn’t Want You to Feel Scared
It’s simple, but important. In a healthy relationship, if you tell someone they scared you - even unintentionally - a healthy man will...
Sarah Ryan
Apr 41 min read


Heartbreak as a Gateway to Deeper Self-Understanding
Heartbreak is often a rupture in the psychic field. What was once held in connection falls away, and with it, the scaffolding that gave...
Sarah Ryan
Mar 61 min read


The Dilemma of Insecure Attachment: Proximity, Safety, and the Fear Beneath
Insecure attachment creates a particular bind. You might find yourself needing constant reassurance and proximity, because you’ve never...
Sarah Ryan
Feb 272 min read


Trauma Bonds: Why They Feel So Addictive
A trauma bond doesn’t always look like abuse. It can look like passion, devotion, even love - but it is love entangled with survival. It is a bond built through cycles of harm and relief, where pain and comfort come from the same source.
Sarah Ryan
Feb 234 min read


When Someone You Loved Turns Cold: Understanding Emotional Shutdown and Cruelty
Maybe you’ve known someone like this. Someone who, in the beginning, was sensitive, thoughtful, and deeply attuned to you. The connection...
Sarah Ryan
Feb 52 min read


Healing the Fragmented Self: Trauma, Internal Parts, and the Wisdom of Soul Retrieval
Trauma doesn't just leave scars on the body; it can fracture the very sense of self. This internal fragmentation, where parts of us feel...
Sarah Ryan
Feb 33 min read


The Secure Base: Why Consistency in Therapy Heals Attachment Wounds
There is something deeply reassuring about knowing that, no matter what unfolds in the in-between, there is a place - an anchor in time -...
Sarah Ryan
Jan 314 min read


Passive Aggression: A Warning Shot in the Darkness
Have you ever been on the receiving end of behaviour that feels strange.. restrained, subtly unsettling - something that leaves you...
Sarah Ryan
Jan 264 min read


What To Do When You Are Lost
I was reading Martha Beck’s book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self , and she shares something that she says has...
Sarah Ryan
Jan 212 min read


The Resilient Self: Why Flexibility and Boundaries Go Hand in Hand
Seems to me that healthy psychology really thrives on three key things: Flexibility, Knowing yourself and living authentically, and...
Sarah Ryan
Jan 182 min read
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