An exploration of anxiety, internal security, and the therapeutic task of becoming someone you can trust to have your own back. In my previous article, Your Confusion is a Red Flag I explored how confusion, anxiety and a sense of unease can sometimes be important information about our environment. This article asks a different question. Once we recognise that information, do we act on it? Or do we repeatedly override what we know? I believe the answer to that question has pro

This article is about recognising when your nervous system may be telling you something about the world around you. The companion article, I Got My Own Back, explores a different question: what happens once you’ve recognised the signal, and whether you become someone who acts on it. Here’s something I’ve learned very clearly as a therapist and as a human being that I thought might be helpful to share. I’ve heard it from many clients when they look back on traumatic relationsh

One of the clearest signs that a client is beginning to move toward a learned secure attachment within themselves is when they stop...

In depth psychology the shadow refers to aspects of the psyche that remain outside conscious identification yet continue to influence behaviour, perception and emotional life. The concept was articulated most clearly by Carl Jung, though closely related ideas appear throughout psychoanalytic theory. The shadow does not refer to “bad” parts of the personality. Rather, it refers to those elements of psychic life that the conscious ego does not recognise as belonging to itself.

People respond to trauma in very different ways, and therapy has evolved as our understanding has deepened. In the past, it was often assumed that talking in detail about traumatic events was necessary for healing. We now know that revisiting trauma too directly or too soon can overwhelm the nervous system and lead to re-traumatisation. For many people, healing does not require retelling what happened. It may instead involve working with present-day patterns, bodily responses

Unprocessed experiences don’t slot neatly into the “past.” They hang around, shaping how we feel now. The Backlog We Never Processed Clinically, trauma isn’t only about what happened; it’s about what couldn’t be completed - the fight, flight, protest, grief - that remains pending. In memory terms, traumatic material often lacks a proper time‑stamp. Instead of being seen and understood and then metaphorically filed into the memories history bank, it remains indigestible and un

I’ve been thinking about honesty, specifically: is it possible to be psychologically healthy and knowingly not tell the truth? It’s a dilemma that arises surprisingly often in therapy. The journey toward greater coherence and authenticity, as we navigate relationships, work, and the wider world, begins inside. It starts with a gradual unmasking - a willingness to risk being real. Over time, this effort becomes routine: a realignment, an integration into a deeper sense of con

I’m just walking home with a coffee, after watching a man fall off a paddle board like a seal in a suit - laughing (quietly, kindly) as the harbour echoes back. He makes a spectacularly loud sound. His kids are howling with laughter. He’s laughing too. It probably hurts, but he doesn’t seem to mind. There’s no performance in it, just the sound of a man who knows he’s allowed to fall and still belong. Gets me thinking about the internal locus of evaluation - the concept of,

I’ve been thinking about disidentification recently as a prelude to individuation, arguably the central aim in a successful psychotherapy...

When in connection with someone who has lived through trauma, particularly sexual trauma, it can be difficult to know what to do, or how...

Notes from the Therapy Room - Sarah Ryan I’ve worked for years with clients who carry something difficult to name. It isn’t always...

Many women who have experienced psychological, emotional, sexual, or psychic boundary violations find themselves navigating a deep and...

Grief doesn’t always come when it’s expected. Sometimes it arrives years later - triggered by a moment, a relationship, or a silence that...

In trauma work, emptiness is often misunderstood. But as Peter Levine writes, the healing process can become “a portal opening to...

Who’s in Charge? On External Regulation, Internal Authority, and the Conditions for Safety. In some developmental environments, safety is...

In some lives, the self is not lost, but deferred. Not through overt trauma or disappearance, but through a more subtle contract: you...

It’s simple, but important. In a healthy relationship, if you tell someone they scared you - even unintentionally - a healthy man will...

A client sits across the room, bewildered. The relationship is over, yet the confusion remains. “I just don’t understand,” they say. “How...

Heartbreak is often a rupture in the psychic field. What was once held in connection falls away, and with it, the scaffolding that gave...

Insecure attachment creates a particular bind. You might find yourself needing constant reassurance and proximity, because you’ve never...