A Healthy Man Doesn’t Want You to Feel Scared

It’s simple, but important. In a healthy relationship, if you tell someone they scared you - even unintentionally - a healthy man will want to understand. He won’t dismiss it. He won’t get defensive. He won’t make it about him.

He’ll want to know why, because he doesn’t want to have that effect on you. He’ll be curious, open, and accountable - because your safety matters to him.

But if the response is anger, withdrawal, or blame? If you’re met with eye-rolling, minimising, or a sudden coldness? That’s a red flag.

This is how abusive dynamics so often begin: in small, destabilising moments that make you question yourself. You start wondering if you misread something, if your expectations are too high, if you’re being too sensitive. You start managing his emotions instead of trusting your own.

It should feel safe to speak. Safe to name your experience. Safe to say, “That scared me,” without being punished - subtly or overtly - for doing so.

Healthy relationships aren’t perfect. But they’re spacious. You can bring your full emotional truth without fear of it being used against you.

If it doesn’t feel safe to speak, something is already wrong.

If you’re concerned you might be in a relationship with abusive dynamics - or want support in unpacking this - you’re welcome to book a session with me: messagetosarah@gmail.com