Are the Feelings Yours? A Guide for Sensitive Souls to Reclaim Their Power
In many traditional cultures, individuals with heightened sensitivity are recognised for their unique abilities and given important roles within the community. For instance, in Native American, Siberian, and South African cultures, sensitive individuals are seen as healers or guides, valued for their insights into the emotional and spiritual realms. Tibetan Buddhism encourages sensitive individuals to cultivate compassion and insight through meditation, serving the community as spiritual guides. These cultures treat sensitivity as a communal asset, providing frameworks that allow sensitive individuals to channel their abilities constructively, maintaining harmony and balance.
In contrast, Western societies often label sensitive traits as “Highly Sensitive Persons” (HSPs) or empaths, acknowledging the trait but lacking the structured roles or communal support seen in traditional cultures. Without these frameworks, sensitive individuals can become overwhelmed, taking on unprocessed emotions from others and even becoming “emotional scapegoats,” shouldering unspoken burdens for their families or communities. This role mirrors the way neurodivergent individuals are sometimes marginalised in modern culture.
Reframing Neurodiversity and Sensitivity as Gifts
Our culture often labels neurodivergent traits - such as those associated with ADHD or autism - as disabilities, focusing on challenges rather than strengths. Yet, research and personal narratives highlight the unique gifts these traits bring. For instance, individuals with ADHD frequently show exceptional creativity, adaptability, and the ability to hyperfocus on tasks of interest. Those on the autism spectrum often possess remarkable attention to detail, systematic thinking, and integrity - qualities highly valued in many fields.
While neurodivergence is not synonymous with heightened sensitivity, there is significant overlap between the two. Many neurodivergent individuals exhibit heightened emotional, sensory, or empathic sensitivity, which can make them deeply attuned to others’ experiences. These sensitivities, when supported, can become profound strengths. Just as highly sensitive individuals are recognised as healers in other cultures, embracing neurodivergent traits as valuable contributions could shift the narrative from seeing them as “problems” to understanding them as strengths.
However, both highly sensitive and neurodivergent individuals benefit from strategies to protect their well-being.
Protecting Sensitivity: Practical Steps for Recovery and Boundaries
For those who absorb emotions or energies, establishing clear boundaries and supportive environments is essential. Sensitive individuals may benefit from grounding practices, intentional emotional release, and creating sensory-friendly spaces to maintain balance. Self-reflection and seeking supportive relationships also help prevent emotional absorption and reinforce personal well-being.
A critical element in this process is addressing enmeshment, a relational dynamic where personal boundaries become blurred, leaving individuals unable to separate their own emotions from those of others. Enmeshment often leads to unconscious emotional absorption, where sensitive individuals internalise the feelings, anxieties, or tensions of those around them without realising it. This dynamic can be particularly overwhelming for highly sensitive individuals, whose natural attunement to others’ emotions makes them more vulnerable to this phenomenon.
The Importance of Individuation
The antidote to enmeshment is individuation, a process central to personal growth and emotional safety. As described by Carl Jung, individuation involves developing a distinct and authentic sense of self, with well-defined boundaries that act as a protective edge. Research supports the idea that individuation is essential for preventing the unconscious absorption of others’ emotions. When individuals cultivate a clear sense of self, they gain the ability to differentiate between their own internal states and the external emotional influences of others.
Individuation is not about isolation but about creating a stable internal foundation that allows for meaningful and healthy connections. For highly sensitive individuals, this process enables them to engage empathetically with others while maintaining emotional balance and clarity. Therapy, reflective practices, and intentional boundary-setting are invaluable tools for navigating the path from enmeshment to individuation.
What Happens When the Scapegoat Leaves?
When a sensitive person leaves a family or relational system that has scapegoated them, there can be significant shifts:
1. For the Scapegoat: Leaving often allows the scapegoat to begin healing. Without the weight of others’ emotions, they can rediscover their own needs, desires, and identity. However, this journey requires releasing any residual guilt or responsibility for the emotional dynamics they’ve left behind.
2. For the System: The family or relational system may initially resist change, often looking for a new scapegoat to maintain its balance. Over time, some members may confront the unresolved emotions and patterns that were previously projected onto the scapegoat.
3. Letting Go of Responsibility: Sensitive individuals often carry a sense of duty to “fix” others or hold space for their pain. When the scapegoat leaves, it is essential to let go of this responsibility. Each person is responsible for their own emotions and healing. Carrying unprocessed pain from the past serves no one—it only continues the cycle of imbalance.
Affirmations for Sensitive Souls
• “I am not responsible for emotions that do not belong to me.”
• “I release the pain I have absorbed from others with compassion and love.”
• “I honour my sensitivity as a gift, not a burden.”
• “I choose relationships where my worth is respected and cherished.”
Integrating the Wisdom of Sensitivity
In summary, while traditional societies have long integrated the gifts of sensitivity and neurodivergence, modern Western societies often label these traits as “disabilities.” Recognising sensitivity and neurodivergence as valuable elements of human diversity allows society to appreciate and support these individuals, creating environments where they can thrive and contribute meaningfully.
For highly sensitive individuals, the journey to emotional safety and balance begins with self-awareness, boundary-setting, and individuation. These practices not only prevent the unconscious absorption of others’ emotions but also create space for their unique insights and gifts to shine in a way that benefits both themselves and their communities.
